


Count your blessings not your flaws

by rozyroe



Category: A.C.E (Beat Interactive Band)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Fluff and Angst, Not Beta Read, Panic Attacks, Wingfic, i love me a good wingfic so i'd thought i would write one, im sorry jun i swear ilu, its not very detailed but still there
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-18
Updated: 2018-05-18
Packaged: 2019-05-08 10:22:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,725
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14692212
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rozyroe/pseuds/rozyroe
Summary: In a World where everyone gets their wings to save themselves from falling, how do you learn to fall when the wings never come? Junhee is still working on it.





	Count your blessings not your flaws

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry for any mistakes ahead! this is not beta read and i tried my best. I've work awhile on this fic and would have posted it sooner but i got a new job and summer classes. this might become a series if i feel the inspiration for it! Title is a line from Lauren Aquilina's song King.

Park Junhee knows what's it's like to fall.

 

He knows what's it like to fall _hard_.

 

Every child learned how to fall, but they never hit the ground. They tumble as children and gain their wings before they meet the ground. By the time a child is of school age they will have their wings **(** though there are always a few late bloomers in any aspect of life **)**. Wings of varying styles and sizes, from the fluttering wings of a woodpecker to the large sweeping wingspan of a black hawk. There is but a slim chance that a child never gets their wings to the point almost unheard of.

 

At first they thought Junhee is a late bloomer. Whispering to themselves at night _don’t fret he just need a little time!_

 

By the age of 10 his family realized no amount of time would change the fact that his back was bare and he fell constantly. Children around him had smooth knees and scrapes arms while he was tripping over cobblestones and going to the hospital for a broken arm when he thought it would be fun to backflip off his couch.

 

During Gym while the kids would fly above the field, at first a little shaking but growing more eager as the years pass, he would stay on the ground flipping stones to look for ladybugs and pull grass. Kids would practically blow him over from the movement of their wings when they rushed to class while avoid him like he had some toxic disease.

 

 **(** this was only acceptable that one time in the 5th grade when he had chicken pox but it still hurt **)**

 

His family was incredible and he loved them with all his heart. His sister were kind **(** if a bit bossy if you asked him **)** and his mother let him groom her wings whenever he wished, finding comfort in the bright reds of her cardinal wings. His father...was distance at first, the community called his son unlucky and he couldn't help but wonder if every problem that arose was junhee’s fault. Though he never said as much, Junhee knew the truth but pretended not to know.

 

 **(** that hurt even worse **)**

 

When he was 13 his older sister Go-eun offered to hold him up to the sky, she said you don’t have wings but that's alright I’ll be them for you! And he screeched with delight.

 

He should have known his bad luck would follow him then.

 

His sister was only a year older than him and she still didn’t have complete control over her wings, it didn’t help that they decided a good day to fly was forecasting some pretty wild winds. A rush of current tipped Go-eun off balanced and Junhee found himself slipping from her grip on his hands.

 

He learned just how hard he would fall. ( the only luck he had was that they weren’t that high yet)

 

He was in a coma for a week.

 

He had a fear of falling after that, a fear of anything really.

* * *

 

His classmate Junhyung laughed in his face when he was 15 and decided he wanted to be a singer, an idol.

 

In this industry, singing could only get you so far he knew looking up at the TV growing up and seeing the beautiful wingspans of the performing idols. Someone like him didn’t have the beauty to look the part. He considers working independently but he knew that he would be stuck in the underground if he went that route.

 

Despite His father’s insistence that he should just accept he was only worth a background desk job, Junhee auditioned when he was 17 and made it. The company was hesitant when they saw his lack of wings **(** and lack of scars...people who lost their wings in accidents get more leeway than he does. A good sob story. **)** but he was told his voice held potential so they accept him as a trainee.

 

He was stupid, he knew it would be awhile till he actually made a debut, while he was a great singer that wasn't all an idol was made of. Still, a year turned into two and then turned into three...he decided to leave the third company he was in at the time.

 

Well more persuaded.

 

Meeting Lia Kim was amazing. She had come to the company to help out the CEO **(** as an old friend **)** and she monitored a couple dance practices. He could help but look in awe when she showed them some of her own dances. Her movements were incredible but he was more drawn to the fact that she had no wings. No wings and yet the eyes on her held no distant like the ones from his childhood.

 

It was the end of the day and he was heading out the door of the company after telling the others of his official leave when she stopped him. Junhee **(** being the awkward person that he was **)** choked out an awkward greeting when he said hello to her.

 

“Park Junhee right? I was just looking for you mind if we talk?” Her smile seemed comforting enough so he followed her out the door and down the street to a cafe the trainee’s like to frequent. She told him of the talent she saw in him and knew he was leaving the company. She asked him if he would like to join the dance studio she worked for. He knew of 1 MILLON had started watching their covers when he first become a trainee.

 

“It's not exactly a way to give you the debut i know you wish for but it would be a good way to meet people, maybe find your path as a dancer. “ She said.

 

“I long ago accept i probably won’t get that debut considering…” he made a motion to his back and the lack of wings that sat there.

 

“You know...there are a few people at the studio without wings. Some who lost them and couple who never had them at all. They say i'm a lucky one. That i got to experience having wings growing up till i got sick and lost them.” She told him tapping her hand on his palm “but i think I’m lucky because i discovered to dance not because i got to have wings. Trust me when i say i think you have a lot of talent and lacking wings isn't going to change.”

 

He smiled softly at her words and started classes at the studio a week later.

* * *

 

He is 21 when he meets Kim Sehyoon and Lee Donghun while the three of them are helping teach choreography along with Lia.

 

Sehyoon is shy but kind and likes when Junhee groom his dark raven feather like he did his mother. Donghun has sad eyes but a bright soul to match the shine of his copper colored wings. They don’t ask questions when they offer to hold him to fly and he quickly shakes his head with fear in his eyes.

 

A few months after that Kang Yuchan and Kim Byeongkwan join their little friend group. Junhee gets along with many of the people at the dance studio but the 5 of them have their own little group who go out to eat after class and share inside jokes from their time away.

 

He particularly remembers a night where they crashed at his apartment and he is varies anxieties kept him up for the night. Yuchan sees his struggle and pulled him close wrapping his gray and cream patchy wings around him. The others steady join them until it's one big cuddle pile of wings covering him, giving him a wall from the outside world that he holds so many fears of.

 

He sleeps better than he had in a long time that night.

* * *

 

The 5 of them look nervously among each other as Lia sits across from them smiling, their waiting for a friend of her to come and meet them. ( ironically this is the same place he first sat with Lia and learned of her luck in finding dance. )

 

It isn't long before a short woman comes up to the table to hug Lia and introduce herself as Kim Hyeim, CEO of a small company called Beat Interactive.

 

She has seen the dancing the group has done with the studio and heard praise from lia and the other choreographers. She wants to debut the five of them as a group if they let her. The others look to each other and quickly nodded and Junhee follows with them but feels a creeping  pit in is stomach.

 

He wants the best for his friends and he knows not everyone is Korea is ready for an idol born without wings. He knows of a couple who don’t have them cause of accidents but by the time that happened they had a following that would forgive and move on. They were starting from scratch and he can’t fake that he lost his wings to disease if he never knew what they felt like in the first place.

 

After that things move quickly, apparently Hyeim had enough in savings to have already started up the company. They all moved into a dorm together and practiced both at the studio in the beginning and in the small basement they called their company. It was difficult at first, the company had little money with all the start up payments so it was a long while till they had mirror to use instead of just telling each other what they did wrong in dances.

 

The first time they go out to the street for busking, he is in the car and panicking. It's one thing to commit to debuting and training with the others for it and it's another to put himself out in front of a nameless crowd without wings. He doesn’t want to ruin the others chances to gain recognition just because he is so different for the majority of society.

 

Apparently he couldn’t even be quiet with his panic attack because he felt Donghun’s hand slip into his own. Sad eyes looked into his own as Donghun’s rubbed a thumb over the back of his hand. “Jun? Are you alright?”

 

“Yea... Sorry just a little nervous is all” Jun tried to wave the other off.

 

“If you are worried about your wings...i think they will love you Hyung! Wings aren’t everything you know.” Chan said.

 

“Our dancing should be more than enough to distract them from you if anything” Byeongkwan stated confidently

 

The others just shared an exasperated glance at him before bursting out in laughter.

 

By the end of their first busking, with a cheer from the crowd, Junhee felt more confident that he could shine on stage even without wings on his back.

 

* * *

 

“Junhee-Hyung we love you but you're an _idiot_ if you think were going to seriously call you Ocean in front of fans….or anybody really.”

 

Their debut was in 3 months and they were sitting on the floor of their practice room discussing roles and names. Some titles were more obvious like making Byeonkwan in charge of dancing or Donghun and Yuchan a power duo when it came to vocals. Stage names were up to them and they were a lot more difficult to come up with than people thought.

 

The role of leader was still up in the air...thought Hyeim said she had a good idea of who it should be and would tell them once they got names out of the way.

 

They knew for sure that Byeongkwan and Sehyoon needed stage names, their names being longer and not as common as the others were. Yuchan said he was perfectly fine with Chan and Donghun didn’t want a stage name which was fine for everyone else.

 

“How about i go with just Jun then? Its common yea but it's the easiest to get use too” Junhee said after everyone vetoed his idea to be called ocean, a name he thought seemed cool but maybe wasn't as much as he’d like it to be. Everyone agreed to that.

 

“When i lived in Canada my english name was Jason. I could use that again as a stage name” Byeongkwan said his blue wings tittering behind him with nerves.

 

“Jason sounds cool i think you should!” Chan agreed enthusiastically.

 

“Jason it is then.” Donghun said writing it out on a little memo pad sitting on his knee. It wasn't needed to write down but they all like a little organization so they let it go.

 

“Wow?” Sehyoon spoke up softly.

 

“What?” Junhee replied.

 

“My stage name...is WOW good? Its sound kinda dumb i know” he sighed, raven wings instinctively curving around him to hide himself from them “I want something people will remember and wow is something they say when there is awe...wouldn’t it fit?”

 

The other members looked to each other for a moment before glancing to Sehyoon and grinning.

 

“It suits you perfectly” Jason said.

 

“-Donghun, WOW, Jun, Jason and Chan of A.C.E...i like how it sounds” Hyeim tells them, Jun letting out a yelp in surprised. The didn’t notice her come into the room at all.

 

She comes to sit on the floor with them and set her hands in her lap. “ I’m glad it didn’t take you days to come up with stage names...i know it can be difficult considering it something people will be calling you more often than your own names in the future.”

 

They all agree to that.

 

She eyes them all a moment before turning to Jun “ you should be Leader.” she tells rather bluntly. As kind as she is, she also knows not to pull her punches and get right to the point in a matter.

 

“M-me!?” Jun sputters in surprise. He figures it would be Donghun or even Jason. Those too held a powerful stage presence and weren’t as awkward as he was. They also had wings and while he was okay with not having his own, he knew a leader was always in the spotlight, the unspoken face of the group. He didn’t know if people would focus on his words if they were too focused on what he lacked on his back.

 

“Yes you.” She shakes her head in amusement “I’ve asked the others and they all agree you would be best for the role”

 

Jun looked to the others who shrugged in a what can you do way and felt a small ting of betrayal.

 

Still, ...if they trusted him.

 

“I guess...i can’t argue with that.” Jun sighed in defeat.

 

“Good!” Hyeim smiled wide “I’m going to have a friend meet with you soon just to help with your communication skills...not that their bad of course but talking to others and talking in front of a camera for your whole group is a bit different.”

* * *

 

Time passed quickly leading to their debut, until it was just a month until they would officially take the stage. Getting on stage wasn’t even the nervous part. They had been busking a long time before this so they were comfortable for the most part performing in front of a crowd.

 

Still, they were nervous to be perfect on stage, to debut as strong as they could do and show the industry that even small companies can be strong contenders for music making.

 

( if BTS could do it then so can they. )

 

It's  a raining day in the 3rd week before their debut that Jun almost breaks.

 

Their running a bit behind after having a late start in the morning and Lia is waiting for them in the dance practice room. She is a friend to them and Kind but strict when it comes to dancing so they already know they're in for an earful.

 

It's raining and jun thought it would be a great ( i.e not so great) idea to rush down the wet stair to get to the door just a little quicker. His bad luck has not been so bad in recent years but that does not mean it has gone away.

 

He slips.

 

You see, in a world where everyone can fly it becomes second nature to lift yourself off the ground to avoid injury in possible. For Junhee he never developed such an instinct. Still, the others have to make it up for them and before he hits the ground Yuchan grips his wait and he floating just a few inches from the floor.

 

Immediately panic grips his chest.

 

Suddenly he 12 again and his sisters are trying to hold him despite the gust of winds whipping at their wings and he falls from their hands. He is gonna _fall oh my god_ he is gonna fall and he is gonna _die_ , he loves the ground but he knows more than anyone that it is not soft and _ohgod oh god someone put him down_ **_please._ **

 

He doesn’t hear anything but someone is screaming and-

 

“Jun it's okay!” a hand is wrapping around his wrist and he scrambles out of Yuchan’s arms to get down before they get to high and he falls.

 

As soon as he feels solid ground under his feet he rips the hand away and scrambled to curl up on the floor by the corner. The heel of his hands are pushing into his eyes and he can feel his nails digging into the flesh of his forehead. For a while everything is quiet as he calms his breathing.

 

Soft footsteps are heard before a hand lies on his back and soothing rubs it in a circling motion.

 

“Junhee...you didn’t fall it's okay. You're okay” its Lia

 

He knows he didn’t fall but not feeling the ground under his shoes when it's all he has ever known is terrifying and he still has a fear of falling.

 

It takes a while for him to uncurl from his position on the floor but by the time he is aware of his surroundings he is exhausted. He looks to his members standing behind Lia and his eyes immediately take in the angry red lines of Yuchan’s arms. Some parts are bleeding.

“Yuchan... I'm sorry” Jun says

 

He can’t believe he hurt the maknae like that. He is supposed to be there as a comfort, show Yuchan he has someone to come to but all Junhee manage to do was harm him and scare him.

 

Yuchan shakes his head “Hyung you didn’t mean too I’ll be fine.”

 

Junhee takes a deep breath to calm his nerves.

 

“I know, but I’m still sorry.” He says firmly

 

“OK Hyung.” Yuchan doesn’t argue knowing how much Junhee takes everyone problem on himself even when he shouldn’t. If saying sorry helps, then he’ll let it be.

 

Lia helps Jun up and they go into the practice room where he is ordered to get some sleep. A panic attack like that leads to his head pounding and his chest aching from trying to just _breathe_.

 

So will little protest he sleeps.

* * *

 

It's the day of their Debut and Junhee just wants the earth to swallow him whole.

 

They already have a decent fan base from Buskings and getting on Music Shows should help their cause but he’s nervous either way.

 

His wingless self is going to be on National TV for all the Nation **(** and even the world for the few international fans they have **)** to see. And judge as they see fit. He wants to hope that being such a small group will not get them as much notice when the shows air but he knows that won’t be the truth.

 

If it's not their strange outfits **(** they personally didn’t mind them but he knows a lot of skin showing like that is a lot for any male group **)** then it will certainly be the lack of wings on his back. For an Idol, image weigh a lot in your success and lacking wings wasn’t a good way to start your career.

 

The fans they have gained so far are amazing, their support means everything to all of them. Still, he can see the difference in some of them. It's never blatant but he sees the looks some fans give him when they think he isn't looking or the comments online of everyone wondering what took his wings away.

 

He’s learned it's better to have wings and had them taken then it is to never have had them at all.

People accept a tragedy as it is and move on but to be born without wings is to point out that he has always been different from the status quo and that never goes well.  

 

They get through pre-recording without much of an issue and he only gets one sly remark from a cameraman of how “at least he makes me job a little easier, makes up for his weird looks” that seems like nothing but he has to stop Jason from talking out of turn are stuck on a ground at that. He felts bad enough that they can’t have aerial choreography as much as other groups because he is stuck to the floor.

 

Times passes and bring him to this moment, nervously pacing back and forth in the living room. He glanced at Sehyoon’s laptop open to their Youtube page and then to the clock where it points out that in 5 minutes their MV will be dropped for the whole world to see.

 

“Jun.”

 

He looks from the clock to Donghun who is coming in from the kitchen to hand a drink to Yuchan. They all gather in the living room to watch the MV together and celebrate but he just can’t settle his nerves. Donghun motions to the open seat next to him and Jun has no reason not too.

 

He sits down and Donghun immediately wraps an arm around his shoulders and pulls him close. “I know you’re worried about what people think but it will okay...if anything know that you still have us” Donghun says sincerely.

 

Junhee goes to answer him when he gets a lap full of Byeongkwan who takes his cheeks in hand and stares into his eyes. “And don’t think you’ll be getting rid of us anytime soon!”

 

Jun swats Jason’s hands away and can’t help but laugh when it turns into a playful slap fight.

 

“Guys its up!” Yuchan shouts and they all quickly crowd around the laptop as Sehyoon loads up the Music video. They have technically already seen it but this is different because they are also showing it  to the fans for the first time.

 

He hopes everyone takes it well.

* * *

 

For a Debut, it when a lot better than any of them expected. They sold out on albums, the MV got a good amount of views all things considered and while they weren’t winning any music shows just yet nothing went wrong and that's a good thing.

  


The media is a mixed bag. Some don’t say much others than wishing them a good career and others go on about how ludicrous their outfits are. Of course the biggest ones point out Jun, they talk about how he could have made it this far without wings considering almost everyone idol had them. They asked him what took his wings and he just says the truth.

 

“I’ve never had wings. I just never developed them, no one really knows why.”

After that the media for the most part leaves them alone and moves on, after all they were just some small group from a no named company. They were never going to make it big especially with Jun with them. The others assure him that the media thrives off drama and to pay no mind.

 

Ignore the media is easy, ignoring the fans...not as much.

 

Most of the fan base is welcoming, some even send him letters of their stories on not having wings and how much they love him for showing that wings aren’t the only definer for success. He admits he cries for each of those letters he gets. Some fans aren’t as kind and talk about how unfortunate it is the other 4 are ‘stuck with him’ but those comments are quickly buried by others insisting how wrong they are.

 

He loves CHOICE more than they will ever know.

* * *

 

Sehyoon had come down with a pretty bad head cold the day before and after assuring that he was resting alright jun pulls out a small box he uses to hold letters addressed to him for later reading. It's a quiet day in the dorm and Junhee decides to read some fan letters to past the time since they didn’t have practice.

 

The letters are sweet, mostly people gushing about how handsome he is or wishing they had his vocals. He has a few good laughs and almost tears up at a young man whose letter talks about losing his wings just a week before he saw jun on TV. He wished to be an idol and thought all his dreams were dead until his sister showed him the MV.

 

He loves stories like that the most.

 

The letter in his hands now only has his name written in clean script on a blue envelope. He opens it and just finds a regular piece of notebook paper folded inside.

 

 **“** _Jun-Hyung,_

 _Did you even think of your friends before joining A.C.E? Now they will never get to the popularity they deserve because you are there! No one wants to see a wingless idol on stage, i bet people are saying they love you but they are only lying. Who could ever love someone who is stuck on the ground? You’ve never felt the weightless amazing feeling of being in the air. I would feel bad if you didn’t drag others down with you. I would leave A.C.E, they can still improve and be a better group without you. I hate seeing you with them on stage when you clearly don’t belong there._ **“**

 

There is no name signed on the note but that doesn’t even matter.  They know how to use their words to hurt and Junhee feels the wind knocked out of him. He chokes back a sob.

 

The worst part is their right. A.C.E will never make it to the top with their limited opinions on choreography and people constantly focusing on his imperfect more so than their work as a group. He lays his head on the table and tries to quick his sobs so he doesn’t wake Sehyoon.

 

He must not do something like that right because he can hear Sehyoon’s footsteps coming into the room and a hand rubbing at his back. “Jun?” He still sounds sick and Junhee feels terrible for waking him when he needs the rest.

 

“I’m sorry Hyung i didn’t mean to wake you up.” Jun says rubbing at his eyes to get rid of his tears.

 

“Jun...come on.” Sehyoon tugged as his hand until he is rising out of his seat and following Sehyoon too his room. “ Nap with me.”

 

“Really?” Jun sounds surprised. Sehyoon usually preferred to keep to himself when he was sick he still let the others check up on him, they knew when not to push and he understood their need to see he was okay.

 

“Yes.” Sehyoon said laying down on his bed and motioning for jun to join him

 

Jun laughs a little and lays down next to Sehyoon who scoots over until he can throw on arm around Jun waist and sighs.

 

For a while it quiet until Sehyoon mumbles quietly.

 

“Whatever it is, it is not the end of world you know. There will always be people who are mean just to be mean. Don’t worry about it too much.”

 

Sehyoon falls asleep right after that and misses Jun smiling at him in appreciation. He knows his insecurities are perfectly valid but he also has 4 wonderful members who, while taking a really long time to find, would stick by him till the end.

 

He can fall and still be okay with them around. That is more than anything he ever thought he would get.

 

“Okay, Hyung.”


End file.
